Sorry, I had this posted for a while without an explanation, when I thought I had included it. It probably didn't make much sense especially with the title, just delving right into it like that. Here is what I thought I had written in the beginning:
I have gone for 12 years without speaking in Church, but they finally pegged me down for it. I chose to use a lot of personal experiences in my talk and because of that I decided to add it to my blog which is my only type of journal for the time being.
I didn’t plan on getting married. I didn’t plan on not getting married, but I just figured since marriage is not always foreseen, that I would just make plans and live my life until the opportunity arose. Well that’s just what I did. I was very adventurous, I did a lot of solo traveling. I met lots of new people and new made friends. I had many wonderful opportunities to serve others and my heavenly father, but at the end of the day, it was just me. I was the only person I truly had to worry about. I never really got lonely, I quite liked it, but I began to notice that I was growing selfish. I didn’t want to be selfish so I began praying for help to become unselfish.
What happened next I believe was the very unexpected answer to that prayer. I’m not sure why I didn’t expect it, but I didn’t. I started dating Brent. We both started off the relationship somewhat unattached. I knew he wanted a serious relationship and he new that I would soon again be moving. We called things off after about 2 months and I was off again, this time to California. I had been gone for less than a week when I got my first phone call from Brent and from that point on we talked almost every night for 3 months. It was pretty obvious where we were heading. Only, the direction in which we were heading had me absolutely terrified.
This is where my original plan got me into a bit of trouble. Now one can definitely think and plan for marriage too much, but my problem was that I didn’t plan or think on it at all. I was enjoying most everything there was to enjoy about being single and when suddenly faced with the prospect of marriage, I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted to continue enjoying myself and carrying on with my plans into which marriage just didn’t fit at the time. I was also afraid of the way the world refers to marriage as “settling down”. I loved Brent very much, but I just couldn’t bring myself to feel ready for such a step and I was at a loss as to what I should do.
Well you all obviously know the ending of the story, but I am going to suspend how that ending came about for a few moments while I deliver the rest of my talk.
The subject I was asked to speak on is “The Blessings of Raising a Family”. There are all sorts of blessings to be experienced through raising a family like those that come from sacrifice, perseverance, missionary work and fulfilling and magnifying our callings. One great blessing to be had is of increased spiritual development. Having a family creates an environment that fosters spiritual growth and progression like nothing else can.
But there are other blessings too, blessings that I can’t quite characterize. I know personally that having and raising my little girl is very rewarding and brings me great joy, but when i think of why that is, I just can’t seem to list the reasons much beyond her smiles. But then trying to tell someone that cleaning dirty diapers, spit up, and all other sorts of unimaginable messes, dealing with depravation of sleep and even your own thoughts, handling monumental tantrums, public embarrassment, struggling to teach a child when all they seem to want to do is defy you in every possible way, is worth it because she smiles at me. It all makes me sound a bit looney.
I had an experience that illustrates this perfectly only a few weeks ago. But before I get into it, let me preface it with telling you that my pregnancy with Zariah was awful. It was by far the most miserable experience of my life. Since then I have always said that I definitely want more children, but I never, ever want to be pregnant again. So a few weeks ago my husband and I were reading about a very controversial growing trend in India. It is the “outsourcing of wombs”. Now I believe that being a surrogate mother for a woman who cannot carry a child herself is an incredible, selfless service. But this is a little different, people have found that for a fee, they can forego the pains and inconvenience of pregnancy and provide in some cases a lifetime’s worth of wages for a woman in India who is willing to rent her womb through IVF for nine months. This would basically be the perfect solution to my desire to have more children and yet not be pregnant again. But instead of being excited by the prospect, I was overwhelmed by a great sense of loss at the thought of unnecessarily giving up that experience. I was a little surprised by my reaction, but it only brought me to realize that the small rewards like the early developments of my relationship with her by feeling Zariah’s first movements and knowing that she could hear my voice made 9 months of sickness and pain worthwhile.
The Blessings of raising a family are not always as obvious as some of the shallow-natured disadvantages, but they run deeper, feel of such intensity, purity and joy as be to be at times, beyond all description.
In a talk by Jeffery R. Holland entitled “Because she is a Mother”. He says “One young mother wrote to me recently that her anxiety tended to come on three fronts. One was that whenever she heard talks on LDS motherhood, she worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be equal to the task. Secondly, she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like “goo goo.” Thirdly, she often felt people were sometimes patronizing, almost always without meaning to be, because the advice she got or even the compliments she received seemed to reflect nothing of the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be.
But one thing, she said, keeps her going: ‘Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work’.
Now if you ask me this mother is a little overly stressed about being a mother, but I do know where she’s coming from and her simple statement is what it comes down to for me. The number one greatest blessing that I have experienced is the complete peace and joy that I have in knowing that I am doing God’s work. I don’t think there is a greater peace or joy to be had than that which is experienced when one has the perfect knowledge that they are right with god and about their father’s business.
Now back to how I chose to marry Brent. At this critical juncture I remembered a lesson I once had in Young Women’s. It was all about sacrificing something we want now for something we want more. I loved this lesson because it always helped me to keep an eternal perspective. When I thought about all the things that were making me shy away from marriage I realized that they were all things I wanted “now” or in that moment. When I thought about the things that were enticing me to marriage, I realized that they were all the things I wanted more. And among those things was what has always been the deepest desire of my heart; to be doing whatever it is the lord would have me do. The lord wanted me to have a family.
The lord wants us all to have families just as he always has. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” it says, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”
In an article in the Liahona giving insight into the proclamation it says “Bringing children into the world is certainly not convenient. Most often it involves physical pain followed by great sacrifice and selflessness. But the blessings of keeping God’s command to rear children are some of the sweetest blessings He offers. Indeed, in many ways parenthood gives us a foretaste of godhood.”
Choosing to get married and start a family with Brent is the best decision I have ever made and by choosing to do so the lord has blessed me beyond anything I ever imagined. I am so grateful for my family and for the potential I have to be with them forever.
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