Northern Wales Again

We made another trip to Northern Wales on Saturday. This is going to be a picture post, but our camera isn't working so all our pictures lately are coming from our video camera and the quality just isn't very good. But hey, they're pictures...

This time we went with some friends of ours. Unfortunately I didn't think about getting a picture of all of us together, so this is the closest thing I've got to a group shot. Here we are all walking up to Conway Castle. Just ahead of Brent on the left is John, then Avril who was pushing the stroller with Otto and Anya's (the two figures on the right half of the photo) twins in it.

Zariah had a blast running all over the place and peeking through all the windows.

This is me making up some story to get her excited about leaving the area behind me which was a very long drop down a tower without very much protection. They posted a some signs upon entering the castle that it was very dangerous and warning you that the risk was all ours. Great. They weren't kidding. For a little one like Zoe, there were hundreds of ways she could have met her doom.

There was beautiful scenery to each side of the castle. On one side there were green rolling hills dotted with sheep. The other side was a view of the harbor.

Zariah found this little nook and decided it was a pulpit. She stood in front of it giving a very powerful speech about how she was a "Big Girl!" You can see how passionate she was in this picture, but I was very disappointed to not get a shot with her arms in the air. It was so hilarious. Then to top it all off, when she was done, she looked at me (her only steady audience member) and said "Mommy, clap your hands!"

Afterward we went for a walk around the town within the castle walls. So many cool buildings and awesome little streets.

Afterwards we walked down to the waterfront for a winter picnic. Avril and John brought jacket potatoes(baked potatoes). We opened the tin foil, stuffed a little cheese into it and just ate it. I had never thought about eating potatoes like that before, but it was great winter picnic food. We also had some hot chocolate, sandwiches and fruit. Mmmmm, tasty. We also saw this. The sign says "The Smallest House In Great Britain". It was actually occupied by a little old woman for quite some time. It is waterfront property I guess...

Zoe got really tired after running around the castle. The added walk around town and down to the water transformed the tired to ornery. John and Avril suggested popping in a sweets shop. So here we are bribing her with candy.

This isn't the best shot, but the scenery was so beautiful I couldn't resist. It is also the time of year when lambs are born so there were sheep and little baby lambs everywhere! If you look really closely you can see quite a few little white blurs in this picture.

In Northern Wales Welsh is the first language.

A bridge in Betws-y-coed.

The next two images were not taken by me, but they did the area justice. The first is a different view of the same bridge in the last picture.

The next picture is just a better image of the area we were traveling in.

After leaving Betws-y-coed we went to Llandundo, a Victorian town on the coast. It was much as one would imagine an old, highly trafficked, English/Welsh coastal town to be. I never paid much attention to how much theme parks imitate the old Victorian style, but it felt like I was walking around in parts of Disneyland or Lagoon. It was really nice and it topped off a gorgeous day!

American Food?

We had dinner with our South Korean Neighbors last week. The last time we had dinner together, Sunhee made us an incredible Korean meal. I thought since I was cooking for them this time, it would be fun to introduce them to some American foods they may not have had before, but I was hard pressed for an idea as to what I should make. What is American food? Hamburgers and French Fries? That's probably what the rest of the world thinks thanks to the world wide McDonald's phenomenon, but we have more right?

It seems in most cases American food is really just American-ized food. One would be hard pressed to find something similar to Pizza Hut's deep dish in Italy or Panda Express orange chicken in China. And as for Mexican food, well I'll just stop right there. I personally like Pizza Hut, Panda Express and Ameri-Mex, but what is plain old American Food like?

After thinking long and hard, our menu ended up consisting of Philly Cheese Steaks, a tortellini pasta salad, chips, fruit and Key Lime Pie. They Loved it. Woohoo!

A brief discussion of the American Food that I made, prompted a discussion of British Food. Now I have encountered a lot of differences in the food here, but on a world wide scale, British Food is pretty similar to ours. Most of the new things we have tried have been quite enjoyable. When we asked them what they thought about it they made a bit of a face and said it was very plain and bland. They also expressed their surprise at the fact that so many of the vegetables served are just simply cooked and served plain!

I had to laugh at that. I have been curious to hear an extreme outside opinion of American food, and a British or American Roast dinner is essentially meat, potatoes, gravy and a few other vegetables. There are all sorts of variations, but the core of the meal, to them, was plain and bland.

Thankfully, because America is so huge, there are a lot of other foods in our country that can be claim. I've been thinking a lot about what those other foods are and this is what I have so far.

Crackers-I haven't been able to find many snack crackers here. No saltines, no goldfish, wheat thins or triscuits.
Beef Jerky
Ranch
peanut butter
Cereal-Certain Breakfast cereals are extremely American like Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms and Trix. In fact I heard of a place where I could get some for 7 pounds, which for us would be 14 dollars per box!
Skillet Meals- Hamburger helper or chicken in some sort of sauce poured over rice, pasta or baked potatoes (at least that is what I found in the small "American Food" section of the International Foods aisle).
Casseroles
New England Clam Chowder
Philly Cheese Steaks
Key Lime Pie
Hamburgers
Hot Dogs
Chili
Fried Chicken and other southern originated foods
Corn on the Cob
BBQ- pulled pork, carolina bbq, any sort of grilled bbq
Salads-all the jello and pasta salads that would usually accompany a nice sunny day in the back yard with a grill
Navajo tacos
*New additions*
PB&J
burritos

Can you think of anything else?

Rambo Fairy Princess

I'm just sad you can't see the wings.

Sheltered

Last night some friends of ours came over to visit. We started talking about South Africa which is where they are from. We have known Michael and Sylvia for some time now. They had to leave their two children aged 2 and 6 in order to come here, which breaks my heart every time I think about what they must be going through on that account. Michael is here working on a PhD in Education, with hopes of working toward transformation of the South African educational system. We have occasionally talked about what life was like in South Africa for them, but none of our previous conversations even remotely prepared me for the discussion we had about life in South Africa last night.

I don't know that I'll be able to remember all the details of what Michael told us, and even if I did there isn't room enough to tell it all. The discussion centered on the treatment of himself and Blacks in general in South Africa. He said when he was a child, at meal times, the white people sat down and ate first. Then all that was left over was thrown into a big bowl and set outside for his dinner because they were not allowed in the house. If they ever did come into the house, they had to take off their shoes and not touch anything. He said he never would have been allowed to sit up at the table with white people like he was doing with us. He said that they were not allowed to eat off dishes or use cutlery or glasses. If they did use any dishes, they were usually taken away from the dogs and filled with whatever they were giving to him, unwashed.

The white people lived in town and the black people lived in a township. They were not citizens of South Africa and they were all issued passes that they had to have with them at all times that were primarily used for employment records but were also used to keep track of them and where they were. If he visited family in another township, he had to visit the authority there and show them his pass to let them know he was there.

Michael is an extraordinary man and has overcome great obstacles. He graduated from high school right about the time apartheid ended and was fortunate enough to be sponsored to go to school and become a lawyer. However, it was discovered who was sponsoring him and the company was bought and liquidated.

Many years and obstacles later he found himself as the black Headmaster of a white school with employees and students who would say and do unspeakable things to him. He told us that he had decided never to retaliate or let them make him angry.

He asked for leave to pursue his education here in England. But since he has been out here they have made serious efforts to professionally punish him. They have tried to have him demoted and cut the funds he has been counting on for his degree. He said in South Africa, if you want to be educated, it creates problems because people accuse you of arrogance and conceit. Then they try to punish and persecute you in effort to put you in your place.

I think what added to my astonishment at his relation of all these circumstances to me was the fact that I am in the middle of reading "Uncle Tom's Cabin". Much of what he described to me is extremely similar and in some cases, exactly the same as the conditions that existed for blacks in America pre-Civil War!

It was honestly surreal for me to have a friend of mine sitting at my table and revealing all of these experiences to me that I have only read about in history books. He almost had me in tears, but he tried to keep the conversation light by laughing at my shock and dismay.

He related one experience where he was given the chance to speak to a large group of women about his experiences and how they can prepare their children to be successful in the post-apartheid South Africa. He said that he was able to gain their sympathies and achieve understanding. Sometime later he ran into the husband of a woman who had attended the meeting. The man recognized who he was and mentioned that he was clever to win over so many women, but that he couldn't be fooled, Michael would never be his equal. Michael responded in a manner that showed his obvious superiority to that man in every conceivable way.

It absolutely blows my mind that people like that exist. I know they are usually taught those attitudes in the environment they are brought up in, so I guess I can understand how they came to be like that, but that will never make it okay. It grieves my soul to hear of such atrocities. I have never felt that way toward another human being and have never witnessed those circumstances first-hand. Somehow in my head, even though I knew the truth to be contrary, I thought that the world was past such drastic, degrading bigotry. I guess I need to wake up to the reality that this is much more common than I would ever wish to acknowledge. At times, I have thought myself unsheltered from the world and the sort of things that go on in it, but I was very foolish and naive. I have led a greatly sheltered life. Sheltered from the true extent of sacrifice, suffering, and atrocity experienced by so many others.

British Chocolate

So I've changed my mind about all those little things in the side bar and decided that I'll just post them even if I end up posting a couple sentences. And if you are interested in what I'm reading or want to compare books or reviews, you can join me on Goodreads.

Today we were in the Manchester Arndale aka the Mall. We were in the elevator and Zariah was smiling one of the guys in the elevator with us. He smiled back. She blew him a kiss and then put her finger to her lips and said "Shhhhhhhh". She had the whole elevator laughing.

There is an area of the mall that they have dedicated as a market where you can get fresh meat and fish, cheese, fruit, or find little booths/shops from quite a few different countries. One of the shops had several shelves of Turkish Delight. I was surprised because up until today the only two encounters I have had with Turkish Delight have been in "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" and the Cadbury Turkish Delight, which is basically a rose flavored jelly covered in Cadbury Chocolate. It's gross. So curiosity stopped me and I picked out several pieces to try. It was all very good. One was like a dense marshmallow covered in pistachios. They had several flavors, including rose, cover in coconut. The strawberry and coconut was really good. So yeah, not all Turkish Delight is gross. lol. I have always been curious about the way it was portrayed in "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" because it didn't look like what I had experienced, but it makes sense now because apparently REAL Turkish Delight is nothing like the stuff marketed by Cadbury.

Which brings me to another point. I know the British are extremely proud of their chocolate and for the most part they should be. Most of their chocolate far exceeds what you find in America. It has taken me a while to come to this conclusion, but I will never fully understand their love of Cadbury. Granted, Cadbury quality is better than Hersheys, but there is something about the taste that I could never love like they do. I mean in the end, it's chocolate. I love chocolate and I do enjoy Cadbury, but just not to the point that I could understand why it is almost revered the way it is here. I enjoy their other brands of chocolate much more.

So I have heard that some other European countries have even better chocolate than they do here. I have had some pretty AMAZING chocolate since we've been here and I would really look forward to finding some chocolate that is better than this. Mmmmm.

Am I an SWC?

A few months ago I started reading a book called "You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. Unfortunately I sometimes trail off easily when it comes to non-fiction, but I was recently re-motivated in my reading of it and I finished the book last night.

I originally picked up this book because I had read James Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child" and had seen little miss exhibiting some SWC behaviors. Little miss had me at my wits end with constant power struggles and I was seeking further guidance as to how I might direct her strong will without breaking it.

I have always lovingly and teasingly blamed my husband for our daughter's strong will. I once asked my mother-in-law if hubby was a SWC and she laughed out loud and exclaimed "Is the Pope Catholic?" Where in direct contrast to that, I never really gave my parents any trouble or argued with them, even during tumultuous teenage years. My mother has said that I was her easiest child to raise. She said I even potty-trained myself, that sounds like sainthood to me.

Since reading this book however, I realized there are a lot of behaviors I've exhibited throughout my life that are classic SWC behaviors. On a scale from 1 to 10 I am probably a 5 or 6. My parents, specifically my mother, were perfect to handle a SWC like myself. Never demanding of unquestioned, unwavering or unreasonable obedience. There was always a reason behind what I was asked to do and I knew it. They exercised parental authority, taught me things and disciplined me when the rare occasion called for it, but I always felt equipped to make decisions and exercise my agency.

When it came to other adults, like teachers and other leaders I was equally pleasant and compliant when they respected me and my agency. But nothing infuriated me more than rules with no reasons behind them, or authority figures who demanded complete obedience just because they were in charge.

There was one time I walked into a new classroom for the first time and a girl standing behind a video camera exclaimed "Stop! Now stand of that mark." I asked why and she just said impatiently "Just stand on that mark." I said no and walked to a seat. She issued me a command and I do not respond well to commands especially when they are issued with no explanation. She annoyingly turned to the teacher and said something like "Mr. So and so, she won't stand on the mark." He looked at me and thankfully said "let it be". The same teacher also had a very strict, unforgiving policy on tardiness. I remember I used to make it a point to be late. If I ever got there on time, I would wait outside the classroom until the bell rang and then walk in.

Another example of my strong-willed tendencies occurred at a girls camp I used to attend every summer. There was a lake at this camp that we went canoing in. Each year they overly stressed the fact that we were not allowed to swim in the lake and that tipping over the canoes was a very serious transgression. If we tipped over our canoes(which I never would have even thought about doing had they not suggested it and made such a big deal out of it), we would not be allowed on the lake the rest of the week and we would have to scrub every canoe with a toothbrush. The only reason they ever gave for why we were not allowed to tip the canoe or swim was a rumor that there were leeches in the lake. So here I was, presented with a rule that normally wouldn't have been a big deal if they had A) given me a logical reason behind it even if it was some stupid legality and B) not made such a big deal out of it in the first place. However, because they made such a huge deal out of it and denied me logical reasoning, every year I had to strongly fight the urge to tip over the canoe.

One year I decided I was going to tip over my canoe and I found a friend who agreed to do it with me. I thought about the action I was going to take and the consequences involved. If I tipped the canoe, I might possibly get a leech on me and I would have to scrub down all the canoes. I decided these consequences were completely acceptable for an opportunity to exercise my agency. So we tipped over the canoe. Well, really, I tipped over the canoe. My friend chickened out at the last minute and tried to steady the boat, but I insisted. Woo hoo, big deal, I tipped a canoe over. I got no leeches on me and we scrubbed down all the canoes.

One might say that I was just being a rebellious teenager, but I still see examples of my strong-willed nature even now. A few months ago I was with hubby in the kitchen. I can't remember the exact details, but I think I had a cup of water and was pretending to dump it on the floor. Then he made the mistake of saying something like "Don't you Dare!" Well of course I wasn't going to, but then he unintentionally issued the command/challenge. After he said that I couldn't help myself, I held his gaze and slowly poured the water out onto the floor. His initially astonished face broke into howling laughter as he said "I can't believe you did that! Why would you do that?" I grabbed a rag and soaked up the water while I laughed at myself. Why did I do things like that?

A few weeks ago I was talking to someone very dear to me. I won't get into the details, but during the course of the conversation they said "Don't you dare____" and "Promise me you will never ____". The thing we were talking about is something I NEVER intended of even thinking about doing, but just because of those statements, I had a really hard time responding. I had to force myself to say something like "Don't worry" through gritted teeth, when all I really wanted to do is yell, "And what if I did? Huh? HUH?"

I know that after reading some of the above examples, it might be easy to think I'm just a stubborn, rebellious, brat who is inclined to make rash decisions, but it is really not so. One of the things I found that I could relate to the most is that SWC don't expect to escape consequences. They consider them carefully and in fact will lose respect for those who don't enforce the consequences. I have never committed a brazen act solely to exercise my agency without first deciding whether or not I found the exchange worthwhile.

Another section of the book I found extremely interesting is where they address SWC and religion. It intrigued me because honestly, if someone is obsessed with not being told what to do, it seems like they would be completely incompatible for a relationship with a God who give commandments. Yet, I am religious. Part of me was wondering if those who are a strong-willed 10 at the far end of the scale, were just unable to have a religious element in their lives. But the more I thought about it and the more I read I realized that God is the greatest respecter of agency ever.
Duh. Which is really all an SWC really wants, respect for their agency to do whatever they want and a knowledge that they will be loved despite their seemingly thoughtless and bold actions.

I also found the book's discussion on what motivates SWC's to be religious particularly interesting because in a way it applies to all my relationships, religious or not. It said the primary motivator was the opportunity for a relationship with god and what that offers, not the punishment that can be avoided or the glory that can be received. I have always felt this way even to the point where I am sometimes uncomfortable discussing the promised blessings for certain actions. I do what I do for the sake of my relationship with god and the intensity with which I value that. If I had ever been taught or actually believed that there was a point where god wouldn't love me anymore, I would immediately not want a relationship with him. The relationship would have lost all value and meaning and the resentment might even carry me to be anti-religious. I would rather spend and eternity in hell than take part in a conditional relationship like that with a supreme being. Conditional relationships are just another way of exercising control over someone. Thankfully that is not the way it is. I don't really want to go to hell.

I am going to end this incredibly long post, but if anyone reading this suspects that they or someone they are close to is a SWC, I highly recommend this book.

Speaking of which, I have been meaning to issue a general invitation to join me on a new site called GoodReads. It's a fun book site where you can compare, review and keep track of the books you read. I've been having enjoying it. If your interested, let me know and I'll send you an invite or let you know how to find me.